I am not pregnant, but if I am ever blessed with having a daughter, this is what I want her to know.
And really, it’s what I want all people of all genders to know, so we can better understand each other and support each other in building a better future.
Lastly, much of this is inspired by my own journey with my body, which I shared about here last August.
Dear future daughter,
You’re going to hear people tell you a lot of things about your body as you grow: you’re too fat, you’re too thin, your nose is too big, your neck and arms are too flabby, your thighs and stomach are too round, your eyebrows are bushy, your mustache isn’t cute, your pimples are ugly, your legs are too hairy, your breasts, legs, and moles should be covered.
The messages will be vicious and relentless. They’ll try clawing open your mind, and if you aren’t ready for it, your mind will split open like a dam collapsing. You’ll internalize the messages, believing they’re your own, and you’ll begin to associate your self worth with your appearance, loving and hating yourself as external validation comes and goes, because surely anything of such focus must hold great importance.
I wish I could protect you, but I’d have to keep you in a cocoon. Instead, I’ll do my best to prepare you, so you can protect yourself while you fly.
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You are made up of many things: your mind, your body, your spirit. Your spirit is your essence: it’s all that makes you you. Your body is a home for your beautiful spirit. You must care for and maintain your home like your life depends on it because, well, your life depends on it.
These messages you hear about your body and other bodies are intruders. When you keep the intruders out, you keep your home spacious, safe, cozy, and clean. You give your mind and spirit room to dance, to decorate, to observe, and to listen. When you introduce furniture that detracts from your home, I want you to notice and adjust. Do not force it to fit. Trust your spirit’s guidance without any doubts. When you encounter the same furniture in conversations or media, you will be tempted to buy it again. Do not. Maybe alcohol makes you feel sick or running makes your knees hurt, so you choose soda and practice pilates instead. That is wonderful. Allow the signs of your spirit, manifested through your feelings at home, to guide you above what others’ messages tell you.
The space is yours and it’s precious.
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Keeping your mind clear of the messages will be challenging, though. You’ll need to renovate regularly to keep your walls impenetrable and you’ll need to clean up leaks when they inevitably happen. Left unaddressed, your ceiling and floors will rot, allowing mold and critters to settle and reproduce untamed.
Explore which tools keep your house protected and once you find them, hold them close. You might find inspiration in books, movies, or conversations with friends. Morning meditation and journaling keep my home clear, but maybe exercise works better for yours. Experiment. Even when you find tools you love, keep listening. Always listen for the signs of your body. You might even find your tools’ effectiveness change over time as you grow. When one tool gets rusty, try a new one.
If you put in the effort, you’ll look in the mirror and see your beautiful spirit. Your eyes won’t dart to your thighs, your belly, your arms, or your nose, but they’ll look right into the joy, kindness, and love in your eyes. You’ll walk in the street making eye contact with strangers and friends, focusing on their spirit instead of the color and size of their house. You won’t waste mental energy on what the world thinks of your house either–your windows will be so clean, everybody will be drawn to the glow shining from within.
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My future daughter, I promise the work is worth it. I’ve spent so many anxious, self-conscious, compassionless years housing invaders, conflating their company with my thoughts and feelings. Through exploration of tools, frustration with and reflection on setbacks, and support from my partner, my home’s feeling a little safer, a little more insulated. I’m looking in the mirror less, and when I do, looking right in my eyes. I’m seeing food as an opportunity to decorate my home with love instead of a threat that’ll make an unattractive mess. I’m doing breathwork meditations and gently moving my body, clearing the invaders and making space for my thoughts and feelings to crawl out of the corners and dance in the living room.
I’m proud to come home to myself, and I hope you never leave.
You’re reading The Sunshine Table, a newsletter written by Syd, a Life Coach helping people uncover their joyful, fulfilled selves. Welcome 🫶🏻. Here, I share the challenges and wins of my own journey to joy and fulfillment. Always listening, experimenting, and expanding. You may find comfort, inspiration, and/or community.
Wow this is incredible. Beyond touching in every way. Thank you for this post, Syd! <3