How to be an amazing friend to somebody who doesn’t drink alcohol at a (bachelorette) party
I am so, so grateful for these wonderful women.
I went to my friend’s bachelorette party near Miami a couple weekends ago. It’s the most alcohol-involved weekend I’ve been part of since I stopped drinking almost two (!!!) years ago.
Heading into the weekend, I was worried I wouldn’t have fun if I wasn’t partaking in drinking. Messages in the group chat gave me the impression alcohol would be a focus: liquor preference requests, photos of cocktails at the airport. I felt an anticipatory mix of nostalgia and grief for my inner party girl who loved the liberation and silliness precipitated by drinking, especially on a girls trip.
When I arrived, I saw wine bottles on the table. When I opened the fridge, I saw tequila, a sea of High Noons, and Spindrift.
After a lovely yoga class led by one of the bridesmaids, we changed into our bathing suits to hang by the pool. The girls started whipping up margaritas in pink plastic margarita glasses. I filled one with pink lemonade Spindrift.
For the first time in a very long time, I wondered, “should I have a drink?”
But soon after, my friends amazed me over and over in how thoughtful they were regarding my inclusion and comfort as the only alcohol-free woman of the 19 there.
Here’s what they did:
They acknowledged my not drinking early. As soon as they started drinking, they highlighted the non-alcoholic drinks they already bought (including a non-alcoholic rosé champagne!).
They encouraged me to fill the margarita glasses with a nonalcoholic drink.
When they placed a new grocery delivery order, they asked me to add nonalcoholic options I was excited about. I added kombucha.
When we played drinking games, like slap cup, they filled light pink solo cups with Spindrift so I could differentiate them from the magenta cups filled with High Noons.
When they did a champagne toast at dinner, they insisted I take a glass just to cheers with, even though I wasn’t going to drink the champagne.
When we were dancing on couches at a clubby bar, they filled shot glasses with sparkling water for me when they took shots, and checked in regularly to make sure I had a drink I was happy with.
When we ordered drinks at dinner, they made sure I would ask the waiter about mocktails.
When we went on a BYO boat ride, they double checked to make sure I was bringing nonalcoholic options.
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When you crunch these small, discrete gestures into a 48 hour window filled with alcohol-centric moments, they make a HUGE difference.
I ended up having the best time over the weekend. I was reminded over and over how much fun I can have without alcohol.
And how much of the fun is often just about having the right glass.
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If you have any questions about being a friend to somebody who doesn’t drink, or if you yourself are curious about not drinking, please don’t hesitate to reach out (via DM, comment, or respond to this email).
I contemplated dropping alcohol for a while before I did it (more here). I know it can be a tough decision.
But I can tell you one thing I’m confident of: socializing without alcohol is a muscle, and it does get stronger the more you flex it.