My Joy List
October 30th - November 13th: new AM exercise routine, the beach, and flowing through cooking
You’re reading a newsletter from Syd, an NYC-born gal who quit her “golden handcuffs” job and moved to Amsterdam to follow her heart’s calls for a path less traveled. Here, I share the challenges and wins of my own journey from people pleasing & perfectionism to authenticity, balance, joy, & freedom. Beyond this page, I study positive psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, I coach fellow high achievers along their own journey, and I share their stories in a podcast, The Path Less Traveled. You may find comfort, empowerment, inspiration, and/or community. Welcome 🫶🏻
Hi my sunshiney souls!
A few weeks ago, Em proposed we go for a walk Friday morning. It’d be the first time in two months that we really took advantage of living a couple blocks apart. That’s how I know life’s been busy. She suggested 8am, to which I hesitated as I contemplated how my morning routine would be thrown off: I’d have to sacrifice at least part of my morning pages, seated meditation, or sleep.
Standing on the corner where we planned to meet up, I watched the hoards of kids and adults, hauling backpacks and totes, heading to their respective schools and workplaces. I felt a rush of energy and adoration for the morning bustle that I’d been missing while tucked away in my little concrete box in the sky.
We walked in the park, all through the ramble, talking about life. You know, the kinds of things best friends talk about.
When we parted ways at the end of our walk, I felt so alive and energized. This is why I’m in New York. This is the magic of community and connection and love.
But it wasn’t just being with Em that felt so good. It was also walking in the park at 8am, a daily ritual I used to enjoy when I worked at Google. So I decided in that moment: I’m going to walk in the morning every day next week.
After my week of walks, which felt wonderful, I had weekend classes on Penn’s campus. As I was talking to a few of my fellow classmates about how we managed our virtual class days, one of them shared that he has to move his body in the morning in order to be able to sit for large stretches of the day. He likened himself to a child bursting with energy who just can’t sit still if they don’t get their energy out.
Huh, I thought. I wonder if I’m like that too?
—
For the past several years, I didn’t move my body at a consistent time.
When I wasn’t too busy, exercise served as a source of purpose in my day. Going to the gym or for a walk in the park was a means of surrounding myself with people for a bit, and therefore, it felt comforting to save for the late morning or afternoon.
When I was busy, though, exercise was a 10-15 minute Melissa Wood Health pilates video that I squeezed in just before A finished cooking dinner. I wouldn’t make and protect space for moving my body; I moved my body if space appeared. Movement often didn’t end up happening, and if it did, it often felt like checking a box.
—
The latter is the state I was in for much of October and I started feeling really down on my body.
But then my classmate told me about how he moves his body to release energy at the start of his day.
And then, each night before bed, I continued rereading Way of the Peaceful Warrior, in which Dan, the protagonist, talks about moving his body before he can use his mind.
Then, I wrote a paper in one of my classes that was based on both research and philosophy about the interconnectedness of our minds and bodies, and the relationship between physical activity and psychological well-being (it’s strong!).
And then, finally, I had an assignment in a class that required me to choose an aspect of my life I wanted to focus on for a week, either to change it or to amplify it. I didn’t choose exercise. I chose engagement, which you may know better as flow. Engagement is getting lost in activities–to be so completely present with them in a way that causes us to lose a sense of time (you know, like when two hours seemingly passes in 10 minutes) and self-consciousness. When the experience is over, we feel energized, expanded, and our sense of self is more complex. In other words, we feel fully ALIVE both during and after the experience! (Check out Flow if you’re interested in learning more!)
I struggle with engagement because when I’m doing an activity–particularly ones I do for the intrinsic love of the activity rather than an externally presentable outcome–I find my mind scrolling through a list of the other more “productive” activities I could be doing. And this wonderful experience of engagement (or flow) cannot happen if we aren’t fully present with the activity itself.
—
As I talked with A about how I might free myself to fall into this wonderful space of flow, he reflected on my habit of “squeezing in” physical activity at the end of the day and the way I often talk about exercise as this “looming” to-do.
What if I exercised to start my day?
And so, in pursuit of engagement, with the encouragement and inspiration of books and anecdotes and research and supportive loved-ones, I started going to the gym after my morning pages, replacing my seated mindfulness practice with a moving mindfulness practice.
AND OH BOY WHAT A JOY IT HAS BEEN!!!!!!!!!
I cannot wait to go to the gym in the morning, and I don’t think it’s insignificant that I end my movement with 15 minutes meditating in the sauna. It’s the most delicious reward (rewards matter!).
Last week, I went to two new classes when I wasn’t feeling inspired by a self-led workout and did yoga on three days after not doing yoga for months (!!!!!). I’m doing weight lifting some days and more gentle, flowing pilates other days.
I’m listening to music instead of audiobooks or podcasts—this time is an opportunity for me to be present with my breath and my body rather than my mind. And at the same time, I’m open to the possibility that I may be in the mood to listen to a podcast or audiobook one day, and that’s ok. Like, I really can’t wait to listen to this episode of Rick Rubin’s podcast and to listen to some of my classmates’ podcasts.
So, I’d sum up my new routine like this:
I start my day being present with my thoughts (via morning pages) followed by my body, and as a result, the transition between thinking, feeling and experiencing is more natural and frequent throughout the rest of my day. It’s quite magical.
A lil recap of what worked for me (much of which is backed by research):
View exercise as a means to move and create energy. I find exercise is the least exciting when I see it as a means to making my body look a certain way… perhaps because our bodies don’t change instantaneously and changing my body has never led to true, lasting peace and happiness. Impacting my energy, on the other hand, is something I can feel instantaneously and does bring me peace and happiness in the ensuing hours and days.
Plan a reward. Decide on a way you’re going to celebrate honoring the commitment you made to yourself. This not only feels good in and of itself, but can serve as motivation to come back the next time.
Look for inspiration. Seeking and noticing anecdotes and stories of people behaving how you want to behave helps YOU believe YOU can behave that way too. Research shows that believing in yourself is imperative for adopting a new behavior. If you’re not sure where to look, ask friends, family, or colleagues how they’ve been going about moving their bodies. Get curious. What do their routines look like?
Minimize looking in mirrors and window reflections, if you’re feeling uncomfortable in or lacking love for your body. When I’m in the habit of criticizing what I see, looking in the mirror is like signing myself up to be bullied. But it’s hard to stop looking if it’s a habit: from my experience, you have to first notice the temptation to look and then resist the temptation. When I notice the temptation, I remind myself there’s no upside to looking and then I leave the room (if it’s a mirror) or look at something else on the street (if it’s a window reflection). The biggest benefit of this in my experience is learning to listen to the signs and signals of your body instead of asking your reflection to tell you what your body needs.
Lean on community. Talking out a goal with a friend (or coach, family member, etc.) is so helpful. They can reflect what you can’t see and serve as an accountability buddy. It’s also so fun to celebrate together when you feel successful… AND to brainstorm with them when things aren’t going how you wanted them to (a VERY normal part of behavior change!).
Separately, love keeps coming up. It’s in my lectures, my meditations, my interactions. Little love in the way of pausing for a second to look the barista in the eye and say “thanks! have a great day!” or to flash a smile at a stranger on the street… and also the big love, like telling the people I love that I love them. And also receiving love. Letting myself be loved.
How might you approach your interactions with a little more love and openness today?
Okkkkkk!!! Shall we get into the list now!? Happy joy spotting :)
Joy spotting: the practice of noticing little moments of joy surrounding us all the time (more)
finally trying Wijmpje Beukers over a date night with A
Stephy and Thomas saying their wedding was the best day of their lives
Realizing Meg, Daisy’s mom, is also from New York with roots laid in Amsterdam
Rubs’ amazing walking on our journey to pick up the O Way package
Rubs walking with a stick twice the size of her body for 20 minutes
the smiles on everybody passing Rubs with said stick
the man singing along to Bob Marley’s “Three Little Birds” at Lot 61
Ruby sitting by my feet while I read at the cafe
Reading about enjoyment next to the crackle of the fireplace
learning about Nma over a walk and talk in the park
responding to Kara and Lizzie’s voice notes
the tiny lady bug I spotted while leaving a voice note for Kara
the black boots rubs appeared to have on after walking in the big pile of mud
the tiny ducklings following right behind their mama duck in the pond
sitting across from A at little collins reuniting with my favorite labneh and poached egg dish
Rubs’ immediate sprinting excitement when her paws hit the sand on the beach
Our new wreath on our front door
making butternut squash soup
Rubs falling asleep in my lap while I wrote my paper at the desk
Amanda and Tucker staying at our apartment
Amanda’s text about the one trick pony peanut butter
The vibrant purple nerds candy-esque flower bush on the walk back from the gym
spotting the lady bug on the pot right when I stepped on the balcony
the way Rubs’ head was peaking out from behind the couch arm
listening to Jacquie’s lecture on love and urban populations
walking and talking with Natalie about life and meaning and connection
assembling the salad and slicing the sweet potatoes while A packed
A’s passion while giving me an overview of the history of hip-hop
waking up to realize rubs slept through the night
finding Rubs playing with her heartbeat toy after my shower
Sending you so much love and light for the rest of the week and weekend <3. May you find space to notice your body and move it in a way that feels good (dance party!?). Big squeeze!
Love,
Syd