My Joy List
September - October 13th: walks in the park, Ray's wedding, and time poverty
You’re reading a newsletter from Syd, an NYC-born gal who quit her “golden handcuffs” job and moved to Amsterdam to follow her heart’s calls for a path less traveled. Here, I share the challenges and wins of my own journey from people pleasing & perfectionism to authenticity, balance, joy, & freedom. Beyond this page, I study positive psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, I coach fellow high achievers along their own journey, and I share their stories in a podcast, The Path Less Traveled. You may find comfort, empowerment, inspiration, and/or community. Welcome 🫶🏻
Hi my sunshiney souls!
Since I last shared a joy list here (two months ago :o), I semi-moved from Amsterdam back to New York, I got married (!!), Ruby got speyed, my mom broke her elbow, two of my best friends got married, I got sick, and I started my masters program in positive psychology.
It’s been a lot to balance in a small window of time.
I feel like I’m trying to stay toward the front of a treadmill but I can’t keep up with the pace of the belt and I’m getting closer to the back. I feel scared of falling off. I’m consumed by my thoughts, leading with my head. I feel out of control of my thoughts, and increasingly aware of them trending toward negativity. The world looks less rosey, and feels it too. And I feel frustrated that all of this is happening as I study the importance, science, and agency behind the positivity I’ve practiced and pondered over the past several years.
My thoughts tell me the path to ease is to put all my effort into crossing items off my “obligatory” to do list.
But my gut tells me the “have to do” will flow more, and even feel like less, if I do what I need to do for my soul. If I nourish my soul and get out of my head: meditate, create for no extrinsic purpose, leave voice notes to friends, have long philosophical walking phone calls, and just be. The “have to do” will then feel better, and as a result, flow more. Though seemingly counterproductive, it’ll be quite productive.
And this is funny because I literally need to write a paper today about time poverty (the feeling of not having enough time) and our overall experience with time. Research shows our well-being is negatively impacted by time poverty, BUT feeling time poor is subjective, and not actually a direct reflection of how much leisure time we do or don’t have. There are things we can do to change how time rich or poor we feel, and it doesn’t require clearing our schedules.
In other words, there’s evidence supporting the non-to do list actions my gut is guiding me toward. A lot of the evidence I just cited is from Cassie Holmes’ Happier Hour—definitely read that if you’re interested in diving deeper here!!
An encouraging note to a friend/myself.
As I was scrolling through my notes to find the above message, which spilled out of me post-meditation this morning (meta evidence of the power of stepping away from the to-do list!!), a note called “MAPP Grounding Reminders” caught my eye.
At the start of my program, one of my professors asked us to respond to four prompts. One of them was the following, along with how I responded. It was so helpful to read this morning. Maybe you’ll find it helpful too:
What words of compassion and/or encouragement might you share with a dear friend that you may also benefit from hearing?
You are valuable because of who you are, not what you do. This is a moment in time, but like a wave, it will pass. Focus on all you can learn. But you have you, the you at the center of your being, and whatever is happening in this moment in time doesn’t change that.
With that, let’s get into a list that spans several weeks and reminds me that both spotting AND transcribing little joys have tremendous power in boosting my well-being, as does prioritizing time to write this note to you. Happy joy spotting :)
Joy spotting: the practice of noticing little moments of joy surrounding us all the time (more)
The 4 cavs I saw on my way to my hair appointment
The moment of connection about butterflies between me and the makeup artist
seeing another cav when I dropped rubs at the groomer
Looking up to see the purple backpack covered in butterflies
The small purple flowers at the entrance to the park and the pink fluffy flowers on the tree right beyond the entrance to the park
The serenity of the park while walking and listening to Bon Iver with noise canceling headphones
The little girls in pretty pink and green dresses chasing each other in the field in the park
finding out the cavapoo ruby said hi to was also named ruby
when Joe asked if i was a dog trainer as I exited the elevator
The surprising lilac flowers at the entrance of the path toward the great lawn
Seeing Ray for the first time of the weekend next to the sunflower arrangement
Andrew unknowingly stealing em’s ice cream cone and Em’s horrified reaction
Cameron’s joke about GDP
Ray’s smile during the speeches
when Chay and I realized A was indeed walking with Hans and Tucker to the ceremony
When Ray and Andrew kissed in the aisle on the way out of their wedding ceremony
Jeff’s offering of his sewing kit to Andrew during his speech
Nancy and Syd presenting Ray with a bridal bear
Syd’s list of duties Andrew must take over
Ray and Andrew dancing and singing together on stage
Amanda and Tucker dancing together
huddling with Amanda, Em, and Chay at the table, talking about how special our crew’s relationship is
Dancing with Molly and Nancy
Em laying on the dance floor during Shout
Hans twirling chay around on the dance floor, causing her to flash me and A
The distant sound of jazz music in the park
The woman who smiled at me while running past me in the park
Nothing from my wedding is in this list, though A and I made a wedding joy list the Sunday after our wedding. I’ll keep that list private, but I highly recommend making a joy list following big events in your life. The weekend was, without a doubt, the most joyful weekend of my entire life, but I know as time passes, all the small moments that made it so are likely to blur together into one swirl of joy. I feel grateful to have a list of the little moments that can place me back in the weeds of the joy.
With that, I’m sending you the same big virtual hug my course instructor and classmate sent me this morning on a zoom call when I burst into tears of overwhelm.
I keep telling myself: letting the emotions flow, while also choosing to focus on the little joys and gratitude REALLY helps. Baby steps. One thing at a time.
Big squeeze.
Love,
Syd