My Joy List
October 14th - 29th: class on campus, back in Amsterdam, and the urgency of social connection
You’re reading a newsletter from Syd, an NYC-born gal who quit her “golden handcuffs” job and moved to Amsterdam to follow her heart’s calls for a path less traveled. Here, I share the challenges and wins of my own journey from people pleasing & perfectionism to authenticity, balance, joy, & freedom. Beyond this page, I study positive psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, I coach fellow high achievers along their own journey, and I share their stories in a podcast, The Path Less Traveled. You may find comfort, empowerment, inspiration, and/or community. Welcome 🫶🏻
My sunshiney ones! Hello!!
I can’t stop smiling. We’re home, in Amsterdam. I’m sitting on the plane as we crawl to the gate. I feel giddy thinking about the flowers I’m going to go pick out and the reunions I’m going to have with Megan and Hisham at the grocery store, Rosa, Hanna, Shanti, Marco, and the nuts + fruit team at the market, Stephy and Thomas, Arnold and Renee over some yogurt and broth, Cody and Ninke, Pippa, and all the other wonderful lights I’m losing sight of right now. I can’t wait to smell the air—every time I return it’s like I’m smelling it for the first time, and it’s always shockingly fresh. And it feels other-worldly delightful to be returning with A as my husband. How cool too that in just 2.5 months since being here I have a new community of 47 delightful classmates from all over the world who make my cup overflow? What a freaking treat.
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It’s been one day since we’ve been back now.
I’ve had a few of those reunions so far, and they’ve been even more wonderful than I expected. I also didn’t mention anything about my reunion with my physical spaces—the corner of the couch, our dining table, our balcony, our bigger bed, the park, our quiet block—but those have been delightful too. I have clarity on the lights I missed in the list of people I anticipated seeing, and that’s simply the people who live in my neighborhood. A and I have been blown away over the past 24 hours by how many “I haven’t seen you in a while!” comments we’ve gotten. “People actually noticed we were gone!?,” we say to each other. Coming from New York City, where there’s so much happening and so many people, to be noticed in this way feels unusual and absolutely wonderful.
And my goodness, it feels good to be back.
I’m also on the heels of an unbelievable weekend of in-person classes on Penn’s campus.
It’s no exaggeration to say I’m a little in love with my classmates, and not just one of them, but all 47 of them. I wrote in my morning pages today how incredible it is to realize what happens when people create a space where messages of belonging are reinforced and authenticity is invited, over… and over… and over again. I’ve spent just eight days in person with these wonderful humans, separated by a couple months of virtual interaction, and I trust and care for them immensely. I also feel trusted and cared for immensely. It’s delightful. The applications for the masters program are actually opening up shortly, so if you’re at all interested in positive psychology, please reach out!
There’s so much I want to share about what I’m learning. I know it’ll come out over time, but for now, the biggest takeaways from this past week: social connection and our cultural context are essential to our well-being. It doesn’t sound groundbreaking when I put it like that, perhaps, but the abundance of evidence and research behind our need for social connection and environments that amplify our values is pretty astounding. Socially connected people have lower mortality rates (study) and happiness is literally physically contagious—and can impact people by up to three degrees of separation (i.e. your happiness can impact a friend of a friend of a friend) (study).
So investing in your own happiness and sharing it with others is good for human kind. This doesn’t have to mean having 100 best friends—investing in relationships with a few people can make a world of difference, and there’s evidence that micro moments of connection with strangers or people working/living in your community (as evidenced by my experience in Amsterdam!) benefits your well-being. I asked the cashier at my grocery store in NYC, “what’s your name?” and her shock quickly transformed into delight. I felt an emotional boost from the two second encounter too. WE can be the change we want to see.
Other thoughts/ideas I’m mulling:
if i lead with light, nothing can go wrong. If i trust in my light, i can let it be unfettered and shine as bright as it is. I can trust. I choose to trust. I am exactly where I’m meant to be. I have exactly the amount of time for all I am meant to do in the way I’m meant to do it. I can play. I can tred lightly. I can have fun with myself through everything. I leave space for the unexpected levity in the cracks of everything in life. I am open to it. I shed the narrative of overwhelm, stress, I can’t, and I’m not good as I am. I am perfect, whole, and complete in each moment, and I choose to let that truth lead, be seen, and shine.
On to the list! Happy joy spotting my sunshines! :)
Joy spotting: the practice of noticing little moments of joy surrounding us all the time (more)
opening my eyes post-meditation to Ruby sleeping on the lovesac
Walking silently with A on the trail at the farm
When A called my attention to the three lady bugs climbing the pole next to me at the farm porch, on the same day I had the thought I hadn’t seen one in a while
The lady bug that flew into my finger when I walked inside from the pool
Looking down to see a second ladybug under my feet
The lady bug on Kathy’s lap at the start of Sunday ragu pasta lunch
The three lady bugs I spotted right away when i walked outside from the living room
The haunted house decorations on the upper side townhouse steps
The fascination and fear and excitement of the little boys observing said decorations
Attaching the smile is the same in every language pin from Cindy to my vest
The note from Cindy on the book wrapping and her encouragement to pass the book along if the book didn’t resonate
The man commuting to work on his bike, saying very loudly on the phone to somebody, “have a great day. I love you. I’m so proud of you.”
Spotting Phoebe in the park
Seeing Si for the first time
Walking and talking with Phoebe around the great lawn
The woman walking slowly with a ceramic mug full of a hot beverage in the middle of the lunch time hustle and bustle outside grand central
stealing Als from work for a mid-day catch up at devocion
accepting the woman’s invitation for a photo in return in Central Park
Liz’s text asking about post-wedding bliss
The moment of joyful connection with the woman at blue bottle who had the same color suitcase as me
The crinkling sound of people opening their bagel breakfast sandwiches on the train to Philly
Coley’s text that our wedding video footage will be ready soon
walking along the water to class
hugging everybody on day 1 of class
finding out Penny is pregnant
seeing a 3 month old cav puppy, Penny, on campus
the miming energy break Ariel lead us in
the chocolate cake surprise from James
talking with Ariel throughout day one of the summit
the abundance of photos we took at the gala
Kelly telling me I’d make a great teacher
Amanda’s energy and passion while talking to me and Kelly about being a family coach
James cursing on stage
chatting and having lunch on the bench in the sun with Kelly and Reece
Angela’s energy while presenting
Joni telling me I was her person of impact in the moment of reflection during the summit
receiving Dori and Ayal’s beautiful invitation
Kazi’s awareness that we didn’t need to see the EJs menus
writing a birthday text to Jilly
the fresh air smell immediately when walking out of Schiphol
the surprise flower delivery from Spyro on the intercom
discovering we had figs in the pantry
finding the figs were even better than we remembered
seeing Batman and Bella for the first time right away on our first journey back to the park with Rubs
settling in for a nap on the couch with Ruby curled into my stomach
Temi’s wonderfully kind and unexpected message about my podcast
the child splashing in the puddle on our way to FFY
seeing Megan for the first time at FFY
everybody at FFY’s joy and curiosity about our wedding
the first post-dinner chocolate covered date in months
waking up to find out it was 7:15am
I’m sending you so much love and light in the week ahead. And, of course, a big squeeze. May you reflect on what makes you happy and prioritize that. This is my permission to do so, for you and for me.
Love,
Syd