My Joy List
January 20th - February 9th: NYC snow storm, dancing + sand castles in Mexico, and how we explain why things happen
You’re reading a newsletter from Syd, an NYC-born gal who quit her “golden handcuffs” job and moved to Amsterdam to follow her heart’s calls for a path less traveled. Here, I share the challenges and wins of my own journey from people pleasing & perfectionism to authenticity, balance, joy, & freedom. Beyond this page, I study positive psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, I coach fellow high achievers along their own journey, and I share their stories in a podcast, The Path Less Traveled. You may find comfort, empowerment, inspiration, and/or community. Welcome 🫶🏻
Hello my sunshines!
So many photos in the list today. But first…
I’m thinking a lot about how most people don’t actually know what optimism means or that it’s so essential for our health. Many think “rainbows and butterflies” and “toxic positivity.”
But that’s not what optimism is, and prioritizing optimism is one of the most important things we can do for our well-being, particularly in times when we feel surrounded by such darkness (so, maybe, now).
Optimism is about holding space for what’s negative while also seeing the potential for positive outcomes.1 To only focus on what’s negative doesn’t make you a “realist”—to do so is choosing to see only half of what’s possible and therefore, ignoring half of “reality.”
One way to break down optimism—which sort of blew my mind the first time I learned about it—is to look at our “explanatory style,” which is the way we habitually explain why an event happened to us.2
Pessimistic explanations tend to have one or more of the following (“the three Ps”):
permanent (I’m a bad skier vs. I don’t know how to ski yet),
pervasive (I’m failing at my job vs. that one meeting didn’t go so well),
and personal (I’m so forgetful vs. there’s a lot on my plate right now).
Optimistic explanations, on the other hand, tend to be temporary, specific, and external (the latter half of the above examples).
Noting that this is habitual is so important. If you are constantly explaining why things happen in a pessimistic way, you might not feel so great. And importantly, research shows a slew of benefits from optimism:
Relationships: People high on optimism had more satisfying and happy romantic relationships.3
Physical health: Women high on optimism were less likely to develop coronary heart disease (CHD) and had lower mortality rates due to all causes than pessimists.4
Career success: Salespeople with an optimistic explanatory style sold 25% more than their peers.5
So, how to figure out and evolve your explanatory style?
You first need to get in the habit of noticing what thoughts and beliefs are going through your mind.
One way to do this: set random recurring reminders on your phone that invite you to check in on what is going through your mind in that moment.6 Then, set an intention to similarly check in on your thoughts and beliefs when you face adversity.
If you notice your explanations involve any of “the three Ps,” consider how you might reframe your explanations to be more temporary, specific, and external (though sometimes “personal” is necessary—we need to own responsibility when appropriate!).
Also, research finds that a “best self visualization” is one of the most powerful tools for boosting optimism. You KNOW how I love a best self visualization! There are many online. Here’s a 20 min one I recorded on my podcast.
Other thoughts/ideas I’m mulling:
Music can be such a powerful means of improving our well-being, from helping to regulate emotions to improving our relationships.7 I started intentionally choosing music (vs. a random playlist) and listening with full attention for a few minutes each morning and while on walks with Ruby. It makes me feel so present and warm inside. Listening to music can be a great mindful awareness practice, especially if seated meditation doesn’t jive with you. When your thoughts wander, come back to the music.
Yoga nidra has shown tremendous benefits for reducing stress.8 If you want to minimize screen time right before bed, try replacing it with a guided yoga nidra meditation (plenty on YouTube and Spotify)!
Joy spotting: the practice of noticing little moments of joy surrounding us all the time (more)
Un-pictured: Lulu entered the world. Pure bliss. And spending this past weekend with twelve of my silly, loving MAPP classmates in Virginia <3
Optimism does not mean being oblivious to the actual reality of a situation. It means maintaining a positive spirit to continue to seek a solution to any given problem. And it means recognizing that any given situation has many different aspects—positive as well as problematic. ~Dalai Lama
Sending you so much love and warm virtual hugs this week. May we all remember to see the possibility for light.
Love,
Syd
Seligman, M. E. P. (2011). Learned optimism: How to change your mind and your life. Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group.
Peterson, C., & Steen, T. A. (2019). Optimistic explanatory style. In C. R. Snyder, S. J. Lopez, L. M. Edwards, & S. C. Marques (Eds.), The Oxford handbook of positive psychology (3rd edition). Oxford University Press. https://doi.org/10.1093/oxfordhb/9780199396511.001.0001
Tindle, H. A., Chang, Y.-F., Kuller, L. H., Manson, J. E., Robinson, J. G., Rosal, M. C., Siegle, G. J., & Matthews, K. A. (2009). Optimism, cynical hostility, and incident coronary heart disease and mortality in the women’s health initiative. Circulation, 120(8), 656–662. https://doi.org/10.1161/CIRCULATIONAHA.108.827642
Seligman, M. E. P., & Schulman, P. (1986). Explanatory style as a predictor of productivity and quitting among life insurance sales agents. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 50(4), 832–838.
Reivich, K., & Shatté, A. (2002). The resilience factor: 7 keys to finding your inner strenght and overcoming life’s hurdles. Broadway Books.
Coopersmith, J. (2023). Musical Flourishes: Lessons from a Conservatory. In A. H. Celenza (Ed.), Music and Human Flourishing (1st ed., pp. 19–36). Oxford University PressNew York. https://doi.org/10.1093/oso/9780197646748.003.0002