My Joy List
July 8th - 14th: lunch at Ikaria, Pippa run-ins, magic in Amsterdamse Bos, & my Insta conundrum
You’re reading a newsletter from Syd, an NYC-born gal who quit her “golden handcuffs” job and moved to Amsterdam to follow her heart’s calls for a path less traveled. Here, I share the challenges and wins of my own journey from people pleasing & perfectionism to authenticity, balance, joy, & freedom. Beyond this page, I coach fellow high achievers along their own journey. I also share their stories in a podcast, The Path Less Traveled. You may find comfort, empowerment, inspiration, and/or community. Welcome 🫶🏻
Hi sunshiney souls!
I just got through the chunk about comparison in Let Them by Mel Robbins. I love her suggestion that there’s a healthy type of comparison: the teacher. It’s the kind of comparison where you notice your desire for what others have that you don’t have and use that desire as a message from your future self about what you want to walk toward. Instead of getting down on yourself for not having done something, you see the evidence of somebody else doing the thing as inspiration and hope for the fact that you can do the same thing. And, Mel says, you can use their path as a roadmap for how you can get to that endpoint you admire.
It got me thinking: who makes me feel a twinge of jealousy and/or inspiration? And what about their life makes me feel that way? How can I start taking baby steps to incorporate those things into my life?
One of the examples Mel gave really hit home. She talks about this woman who wants to build a decorating business and then becomes incredibly upset when her neighbor with far less experience actually builds a successful decorating business. Mel focuses in on the successful neighbor’s use of social media. And then talks about how this other woman could also use social media and take all these other steps to also build a successful decorating business.
So, then, I started thinking about some of the people who make me feel that twinge of jealousy and inspiration, some of whom got to where they are from posting on Instagram and/or TikTok, two platforms I’ve felt strongly are not places I want to hang out on.
Tangential to all of this, I had this hit of intuitive joy in a vision of myself posting on Instagram again. But not about coaching or behavioral change. Rather, about restaurants and food and travel again. And maybe other things that bring me joy. That’s how I got started with sharing about my passions on Instagram.
And it would be whimsical. No writing and rewriting and agonizing over long captions and perfect video cuts. I would post like Instagram was intended for: instantaneously. It sounds so good, but I hesitate to believe I’d be capable of resisting the temptation to start agonizing and writing and rewriting long captions. I hesitate to believe I’d resist the temptation to open the app for the dopamine boost of likes and comments and DMs. And that’s all why I got off the app in the first place. The time suck. The way it made me feel icky when I posted.
And above it all, the way that I believe so deeply in wellbeing and so deeply in the toll time spent on these apps takes on our wellbeing and it feels so backwards and hypocritical for me to contribute to pulling people’s attention into the app more by adding to the pile of content to be consumed.
But at the same time, I wonder, could I be a light in a dark room? Should I be meeting people where they’re at, where they’re spending their time whether or not I am posting or not? OR is this like the recycling debacle—is it called tragedy of the commons? Where we feel our one vote can’t make a difference and so we don’t use it?
But then I’m acting against my values. So, it’s a values conflict, is it? On the one hand, I feel I could spread joy and teach and inspire. If you only have so much attention to give to these apps in a day, and you’re going to give it whether I’m there or not, perhaps what I share could serve as an alternative focus that makes you feel good rather than the content that makes you feel bad. But then this breaks my overarching hypothesis that it’s not just what we consume on these apps, but how much we sacrifice consuming in the physical world around us when we become cyborgs glued to our screens. And whether or not I am bringing you light, happiness, I am still contributing to the scroll. And who’s to say what I intend will bring you light actually brings you light? Quite an assumption I’m making. And then there’s the question of whether dividing my own attention away from Substack and my podcast will truly bring me happiness.
Over and over I say, I know, Instagram is not for me. And over and over I question, is Instagram for me?
This is so confusing.
But here’s my latest thought: when I think about posting on restaurants and travel, my mind goes to Instagram because it’s how I once did it, and it’s how many of the people I admire once did/still do share. But that doesn’t mean I have to do it that way too. My heart tells me right here, with you, is where I want to keep sharing.
I would love your advice on the matter! Based on everything I’ve shared with you—what I want to share, how social media makes me feel, what’s making me question my non-use of social media—what would you do if you were me?
I thought I was an early-to-bed, early-to-rise person.
The nights spent staying up video chatting with friends until 4am (high school) and dancing at bars and parties until 2am (college) are over.
But then, as I took Ruby on a later-than-usual walk on Saturday, I realized I love the evening buzz as much as the morning quiet. And I can make space for both.
Maybe not in the same 24 hour stretch, but some days, I can wake up and go to bed early and others, late.
Maybe I’m exiting an era of feeling like I need to hold so tightly to being one thing. It’s quite refreshing to be so honest. As I wrote at the top of last week’s essay, though, sometimes it’s hard to know what truths we’re hiding from ourselves.
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I have Atlas of the Heart by Brene Brown on my coffee table…
… which means, when I’m sitting on the couch and notice the itch to mindlessly click around on my phone, I’m sometimes successful with picking up the book and reading a bit instead. Two passages really have me thinking. I’ll share one on belonging for now:
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I went to the Kendrick and SZA concert in Amsterdam last night.
What an experience. As somebody who only knows a few Kendrick songs, it was super cool to witness the thousands of people who adore him so deeply. I’m always so fascinated by the way these different pockets of love and passion exist and if you’re not in them, it’s like they don’t exist at all.
But if you are in them, you can’t imagine a world without them.
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Ok now onto the small moments of big joy! Happy joy spotting :)
Joy spotting: the practice of noticing little moments of joy surrounding us all the time (more)
Ruby’s confused/fascinated/nervous/excited reaction to me blowing bubbles
Dad’s loving text after reading my newsletter about my experience with my body relative to our wedding approaching
mom’s adorable and loving voicemail after reading my newsletter
Pillow talk with A
Ruby watching herself eat the kibble from her shark toy in the mirror
Hearing the caterers’ detailed descriptions of the food for our wedding
Cutting open the cantaloupe to find it juicy and perfectly ripe and sweet like candy
an unagi rice bowl and sushi date outside at Orandaya
the silly black and white dog being very badly behaved and chasing after its owner into the restaurant
Realizing pippa was walking our way on our late night walk
Hearing pippa’s dad say “dat was leuk pip!” As we walked away
Marco’s reaction when he heard we’re getting married
Shanti’s sample of rum raisin cake
The shade and serenity of our table outside for lunch at Ikaria park
The easy-going energy of our waiter at Ikaria and his clear plastic shell earring
The spicy feta and tzatziki dips
The Crete tomato and carob crouton salad we tried for the first time
The puppy love from Jax, the Ruby cav playing in front of Ikaria, on our way out
the peace of biking alongside that archway of huge trees in Amsterdamse Bos
the 9 week old black doodle picnicking next to us in Bos who wanted to play with Rubs after being nervous at first
When Rubs start swimming in circles on her own volition for the first time
The responses from mom’s friends and family when I emailed them about her birthday
Ruby’s second-in-a-row late night cuddle session with Pippa on her final walk of the day
Talking with Pippa’s mom about how she eats everything and the feeling of community in knowing it’s not just Ruby
Giving Pippa belly rubs on the street
The creaminess of our tub of stracciatella
The smell and crumb of our sourdough baguette from fort negen
Smearing the stracciatella on said baguette
cracking up with A about the deep philosophical theory i was trying to write while high
Ruby losing her mind and smothering Jen in kisses after not seeing her for several months
my perfect falafel plate from Esh
The lady bug on the sza tour shirts
… followed by SZA dressed as a butterfly toward the end of the show
Putting the still-alive stem of white flowers that fell off our dead and trashed bouquet into the tiny glass vase Andrew made us
Opening Rub’s crate to find her laying down chilling
Ruby’s interest her first time noticing somebody paddle boarding
The woman paddle boarding on the canal who smiled and waved at me
Ruby sitting on my laptop while I’m trying to put this joy list together
the lady bug on the cement on my pre-dinner walk with Rubs
walking in from said walk to find A had dinner arriving on the table
Big squeeze you wonderful people <3 Have a lovely week. Notice the opportunity for space in your day and challenge yourself to stay in it, even for 30 seconds. Space is a wonderful gift. It’s where the magic happens.
Love,
Syd